Wicked Hawt Magazine

Three days after another day of infamy we are still putting the pieces back together. At this point there hasn’t been a suspect named though the three media companies claim that information is imminent. I couldn’t believe the gall of one news reporter who whined on air that the FBI was keeping them in the dark thus putting the public at risk. While many people want those same answers and pronto,  I cant help but think that if it became policy that after a terrorist is caught we change their name to something randomly generated or better yet voted on then at least maybe one ego maniac will be deterred knowing his act might get credited to “Big Fucking D Bag” as voted by the good people of Suffolk County.We do however know that the two bombs that exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon were made from every day pressure cookers…which will be outlawed.

Like so many times before, I found out about this late. It would have been later if my wife who had just gotten home from work a couple hours early hadn’t shouted, “quick, come see this!” down to the basement where I was organizing paint cans.  I knew from her voice it was either something really, really, really good or something really, really, really bad. The first time I saw the footage it was almost unbelievable. Each time after that it felt like another grim reality of the world  where we live in light of the world people my age and older once lived in. Then after the explosions every one ran except those whos instinct it is to run in to help, many of which were there as spectators. I wonder if the terrorist factored in that seconds after the explosion victims were being cared for. I wonder if he factored in that the identity of whomever planted the bomb would unwittingly captured in high definition by a couple hundred cell phones. But in the here and now all I can really think about are the victims and the people who helped the victims. While I would like to think that if I was there I would be courageous enough to run in and help as opposed to run for my life, I never thought it was anything other than a hypothetical question. That’s probably just another stark contrast to the world my generation can only lament now brought on by another viewing of the explosion on the news. Speaking of which, At this moment all network channels are telecasting live from an inter-faith service at Holy cross Church. President Obama is there as well as every face of Massachusetts government as well as family of victims and spirtual leaders. It seemed a little weird to have  so many figures in one spot just a few blocks away from the the bombing all on live television. I turned off the TV. Sometimes its just better to be last to know.

-Mike Pratt

As always, I seem to be the last guy to hear the news. As I walked downtown to the nearest mail box to mail another student loan payment,  I noticed a stranger from about 30 yards whose body language made it apparent his intention of engaging me in some manner. “Did you hear the news?”  The stranger inquired. In that moment I knew that I wasn’t gonna like this news. My stomach dropped. “Another School shooting” he went on to report to me. “In Connecticut, its really bad.” Sensing both he had no further information and the fact that I didn’t even WANT any more information just yet,  I thanked him and moved on . As I walked home, it occurred to me…this happens to be the anniversary of the time a deranged gunman hijacked a lecture center on the campus of SUNY Albany.

Besides learning to memorize my social security number, my very last day of the 4.5 years I spent at SUNY was a probably the only memorable day I had there.  The day was typical grey for December in the Northeast.  The campus of Albany State University was as I remember very Roman in architecture.  A huge fountain pool in the center surrounded by many lecture halls where like me, students were enjoying the last day of classes before winter break. This happened to be my very last day since I needed an extra semester to graduate so you might imagine how a 22 year old might have felt just a little more excited about this particular day.

Around 10 am, I was in one of the many rooms on the sprawling campus listening to pre-recorded samples of classical music on cassette tape for my final music final. On my way out of the music lab I noticed a large line of students waiting to get in what was a typically under attended lab since it still used old audio tapes instead of CDs. I asked the attendant who was in the process of giving me back my ID, “Why so many people?” She said, “There’s a hostage situation in one of the lecture centers, so all the labs in that area are closed forcing them to come here.” Why am I always the last to know? I thougfht to myself even tought this information actually didn’t make much sense to me at the time. Partly because it was my last day of college and I really didn’t give a fuck about a longer line into a room i’m never stepping foot into again, but also given it being the mid 90′s and as a society we were unaccustomed to such violent acts, I pretty much thought that “the hostage situation” was a new name for some sort of computer glitch and went about my way. As I walked towards the campus center the faint sound of helicopters became louder and louder until it was almost deafening. As I approached the campus center a swat team had already formed a perimeter around the fountain and abutting lecture centers.  It didn’t take a guy about to earn a bachelors degree to figure out this was an actual hostage situation.

On December 14^th,1994. 26 year old psychology student Ralph Tortorici walked into the last day of his Greek history class with a hunting knife and a high powered hunting rifle. Just as the class was beginning, he locked the doors from the inside with fire hose and fired a shot into the air before announcing that he was taking the class hostage. He sent the professor to alert the media and local congressional representative while talking to negotiators over the class room intercom. His demand: He wanted to speak to President Clinton. Before the SWAT team could act, a group of heroic students took down the gunman however one student did suffer a gunshot wound to the groin. , Tortorici, who had a long history of mental illness, had sought help in prior months for a micro chip that he claimed was implanted in his head even  going as far as showing up at a local police barracks seeking help in removing said micro chip. It is even documented that he visited SUNY Albany’s health center two years prior to the ordeal complaining about, you guessed it, micro chip.

I mingled with the thousands of students now gathered around the perimeter buzzing about what they had heard. We all cheered when the SWAT team brought the gunman outside to rush him away in a state trooper’s patrol car. Later that night Tom Brokaw covered this story on the national news.  In 1999, Tortorici would hang himself in prison while serving his 15-40 year sentence.

Sadly, this is tame considering how far we have come in 16 years. The media will inundate us with all the proper intel over the next week with a new name to associate with terror and speculation as to why he did it. As if there could be one. The one constant among the Connecticut school shooting and the SUNY Albany Hostage situation as well as any other mass shooting tragedies is guns. Until we stop glorifying the gun,  the tragedies will get worse and become more and more common place.  Just 5 months ago a gunman killed 12 people in a movie theater.

-Mike Pratt

 

It’s that time of year again when we reflect upon the last twelve months. Many of us look to the past year for knowledge and wisdom gained from another trip around the sun on this blue spinning rock. Others make resolutions at 11:59pm on New Years Eve never to huff cleanser again…but we all know that never works. Your best bet is to decide whatever it is you are good at  and do that thing. Like I told my 12 year old nephew visiting from North Carolina this past summer, “You can have ANYTHING you want- but you can’t have EVERYTHING you want.” In the mean time,  Here’s a run down of 2012 month by month:

January,2012

Jan 1. The year begins as Dodge Street Bar and Grill officially closes its doors after two decades as Salem’s premier music venue. Anyone who had ever been part of the Dodge scene stopped in New Years Eve to see The Hate Fu*#ers  close down the venue. Opened in 1991,  The club changed ownership three times over its 20 year existence, starting with Bob, Peter and Allen Berzofsky, who had the vision of a restaurant that featured the best in local music.  In ’99,  two guys called Nick and Jim bought the restaurant but rumored in-fighting caused them to cut and and run in ’03. Enter the last owner, Frank Presutti. He would take the reigns for the final 9 years. Unlike any of the former owners, Frank was a musician. The benefit of this rarity was that he could relate to the struggles of the working artist. The draw back being that his brash and public critiquing of each and every artist that ever took the stage made him infamous in the music scene.   The Presutti administration would be responsible for expanding the restaurant that featured live music nightly into a bonafide music venue by renovating a couple of old storage rooms into a good sized stage in a room that could hold 150 of your closest friends.  During the party and into the morning, the patrons were encouraged to bid on any of the wall decorations as a memento of a simpler time thus making it the single highest grossing night in the history of the music club.

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Jan 13. Italian Cruise Ship Costa Concordia runs aground, causing the ship to scrape a reef off the Tuscan Coast , consequently flooding the engine room and power generators while the boat meandered for the next hour before it finally capsized.  32 people perished. What was most unbelievable was that Captain Francesco Schettino, known for his machismo especially when it came to impressing young female passengers was actually trying to show off for a particular Fighetta as well as abandoning the cruise liner while a few hundred passengers had yet to be rescued.

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Jan 22. Legendary college football coach Joe Paterno dies from cancer. In July ’12, Penn State removes the 7 foot tall bronze statue of “JoePa” from the campus amid the Penn State Sex Abuse Scandal. Later in 2012 the man at the center of the controversy was given 30 years in a federal penitentiary.

 

February,2012

Feb 11.  Singer Whitney Houston is found dead the  bathtub of the Beverly Hills Hilton suite where she was staying for the next days Grammy celebration being held at the Staples Center. Grammy night turned into a solemn night of remembrance as many of the biggest pop stars of the day paid tribute to the beloved Icon. Days later Sony  raises the price of two different Greatest Hits CD’s but claims it to be a  pricing mistake when outraged Houston fans threatened to riot.

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Feb 14. Wellesley College publishes steamy love letters between Victorian age English poets Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett on line to the delight of nerds world wide. Many of the love letters address   Elizabeth’s dickish father’s dis approval of his daughter running off with of all else, A POET!

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Feb 29. Once Teen Idol Davey Jones dies at age 66 of a heart attack while horseback riding in Florida. Jones enjoyed success as the lead singer of fictitious TV rock band “The Monkees” which originally debuted on NBC in 1966. The band’s popularity would make many resurgences as re-runs of the classic show would find its way on National TV in the 70′s  and then again in the mid 80′s when the blossoming MTV would air the shows to a new generation of pop culture fans.

 

 

March,2012

Mar 2.  The meta-analysis of over 40 studies now prove that chocolate may actually have beneficial properties for the human heart and the bodies circulatory system. Still, some of the negative affects of over consumption of Chocolate are: Diabetes,osteoporosis and lead poisoning.

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Mar 5. Apple Store celebrates 25 billion downloads. The family of  the late Steve Jobs were sad at the fact that the genius behind Apple never got to see this mile stone. They were also sad that the most downloaded song of all time remains: “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas.

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Mar 17. Pope Benedict XVI launches an internal investigation into leaks of confidential documents alleging corruption, financial mismanagement and power struggles among senior church officials. Over the next months it would be learned that a disgruntled butler of the Pope was behind the leak and removed from the powerful position. And we’re very sure that this is the last time the CC will ever be embattled in controversy.

 

April, 2012

Apr 11. After 45 days of public outrage, George Zimmerman is arrested after the shooting of Trayvon Martin. Originally not arrested based on Zimmerman’s account that the un armed boy was the agressor, he now faces second degree murder charges. His trail is planned for June, 2013.

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Apr 16. Thirty five years after it’s original release date, “God Save The Queen” is re-released in time for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee held in June. The song was originally banned by the BBC in 1977 coincidentally in conjuction with the Queen’s Silver Jubilee.

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Apr 25. News of a U.S. Military Scandal breaks when three Marines on a US Embassy security team and one embassy staff member pushed a female escort out of a moving car after a dispute over payment. All three Marines were demoted and given no ointment for the many shanker sores that they contracted from an unrelated incident.

 

May,2012

May 4. Adam Yauch, also known as MCA of the Beastie Boys dies of salivary gland cancer at age 47. Yauch was a practicing Buddhist and a Vegan, a stark contrast to the early days where he fought for all our rights to party.  Though widely criticized for the homophobic and misogynistic lyrics of their early career, In 1999, he and the other Boys of Beast publicly apologized in an issue of Time Out New York.

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May 9. Andy Warhol’s “Double Elvis” sells for $37,000,000 at Sothebys. Created in 1963, there are only 22 original prints in existence, all of which are distinguishable by the space between both Elvises (Elvi). Assuming they are all worth roughly the same at auction: Andy Warhol, by creating 21 extra  original pieces, an act that would take an experienced silk screen artist like Warhol no more that 5 extra minutes,  created an extra 700 million dollars in the 2012 Art Market!

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May 29. An art gallery in Johannesburg, South Africa remove an image from its website called The Spear after thousands marched in protest. The image portrays South African President Jacob Zuma in a Leninesq pose. Zuma, elected in ’09 has been riddled in controversy. Some of the speed bumps in his personal life include: Fraud, rape, racketeering and corruption.

 

June, 2012.

Jun 1. Madonna kicks off MDNA concert tour in Tel Aviv, Israel. The 12th studio album from Madge covered topics like Sex, Drugs, Violence and bullying. The Material Girl was accused of using the tour to gauge new living locations since her banishment from England.

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Jun 3.  Queen Elizabeth II celebrates her Diamond Jubilee at Buckingham Palace marking 60 years of polite oppression over 16 sovereign states! 1/3 of the world celebrated this milestone by lighting billions of candles and taking almost a week off of work. In three years “E2″ will surpass Victoria as the longest ruling monarch.

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Jun 24. Legendary TV Game Show host Alex Trebek suffers his second heart attack but will go on to make a full recovery! This marks the second time he has been hospitalized with a heart related condition. In 2011 he snapped his Achilles tendon while fending off a robbery attempt of his San Francisco hotel room.

 

July, 2012

Jul 4. The City of Salem celebrates a rainy Independence Day with their annual fireworks display over Salem harbor. This year Pete and Ted of Britannica were featured acts as well as Julie Dougherty and a special pops concert by the 42 piece Hillyer Festival Orchestra.

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Jul 20. A midnight premier of The Dark Knight Rises in Aurora, Colorado turns into a deadly shooting rampage leaving 12 dead and 58 wounded. The shooter also rigged the unlocked front door of his apartment with bombs and timed his stereo to BLAST music at midnight in a vain attempt to trick his neighbors into entering his apartment thus triggering the bomb blast.

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Jul 28.  The city of Salem celebrates Local Music with the 9th annual Witchstock and the 1st Annual Sky Party. Over 25 artists participated in the two events. Unfortunately, the weather doesn’t cooperate as both events are affected. The Sky Party would be moved to Old Town Hall and two thirds of the Witchstock concert was held in the pouring rain…oh yeah, and the 2012 Olympic games held its opening ceremony on this day too!

 

 

 August, 2012

Aug 18-19. The Salem Jazz and Soul festival celebrated the non-profit’s 5th year. The Salem Willows Amusement Park hosted the two day rain or shine event.Featured artists included: Jaimo of Allman Brothers fame as well as (once) local drumming hero Russ Lawton.

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Aug 22.  An elderly church volunteer in Northern Spain decides to touch up a one-of-a-kind 19^th century fresco by the Spanish painter Elias Garcia Martinez. The repair goes awry and the painting is left almost unrecognizable. Later that month, the disgraced artist would file a law suit claiming that  she deserved royalties from up swing of tourists paying to see blasphemy.

 

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Aug 24. The US Anti-Doping Agency announces its plan to strip 7 time Tour De France winner, Lance Armstrong of all titles after an investigation discovers performance enhancing substances were used by the once celebrated athlete. By the years end, Armstrong would end all ties with the Livestrong foundation.

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Aug 25.  Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon, dies at the age of 82. Armstrong, who served in the Us Navy before attending Purdue University would later become a test pilot at California’s Edwards Air Force Base. There he would fly many test missions before being recruited for USAF’s Man In Space Program in 1960. He would go on to pilot Gemini 8, Gemini 11, Apollo 8, Apollo 9 and finally the historical Apollo 11 moon landing on July 20,1969.

 

September, 2012.

Sep 5. After nearly a year and a half, one of the members of Seal Team 6 releases “No Easy Day”, a tell all book about the raid on Osama Bin Laden’s compound and the last moments of the wanted terrorist’s life. In his accounting of the events, the Navy Seal also divulged classified military training methods. In the book, he writes,”It was strange to see such an infamous face up close. Lying in front of me was the reason we had been fighting for the last decade. It was surreal trying to clean blood off the most wanted man in the world so that I could shoot his photo. I had to focus on the mission, right now we needed some good quality photos.” Jihadists on al-Qaida websites have posted purported photos of the author, calling for the his murder.

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Sep 30. English singer and founding member of Wham! George Michael cancels the Australian leg of his tour due to “major anxiety” believed to be the result of acute pneumonia. The singer did however make a special appearance at this years Olympic celebration in London.

 

 October, 2012.

Oct 4. Salem kicks off it’s annual Haunted Happenings with a parade through the city. Haunted Happenings is a month long celebration of “miracle tourism” and “goth pride” leading up  to Halloween day, or what local businesses refer to as “The only reason to set up shop in this God forsaken town.”

 

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Oct 28. Hurricane Sandy, the largest Atlantic hurricane on record makes landfall in Atlantic City, NJ. Having great impact on all mid Atlantic and north eastern states. President Obama issues a Pre-Landfall Emergency Declaration for Massachusetts. Governor Deval Patrick ordered all state offices to be closed October 29.

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Oct 31. The city of Salem celebrates Halloween on the heels of Hurricane Sandy finally dissipating. The city enjoyed a little more subdued gathering this year as many in the region stayed home either without power, without the means to get here or they simply realized they weren’t in kindergarten.

 

 

November, 2012.

Nov 6. Barrack Obama narrowly  wins second term as United States President against the laughably stiff and overly white Mitt Romney. Every bit of momentum that Romney built would inevitably be undone by a gaff of equal proportion. Whether it was wagering ten thousand dollars that he best understands the working man, or his attack on sesame street after his first and only favorable debate.

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Nov 16. One week after the BCTG (just look it up!) Union strike, Hostess announces the company will file a motion in Bankruptcy court and sell off all assets. While I haven’t had a twinkee in about ten years, I always felt just  a little safer knowing they where always near.

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Nov 21. Flaming Lips front man and visionary Wayne Coyne is detained at Oaklahoma’s Will Rogers Airport when a screener noticed a hand grenade in the singers suite case.  Turns out the grenade was hollow and spray-painted gold, something Coyne claimed to had swiped from a wild house party the night before where it was being used as a book end.

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Nov 26.  In what has become an American Black Friday tradition, A Georgian man dies after over deputized Walmart employees tackle him to the ground suspecting him of shop lifting two DVDs. In Tallahasse, Florida. 2 people were shot in a Walmart parking lot as a result of a dispute over a parking space.

 

Wow, What a wacky year! Some of that could have been made up. Wicked Hawt magazine would like to wish you all the merriest of holidays and wish you all a safe and most prosperous new year!-WH

Bob Dylan/Mark Knopfler

11/18/12 Boston Garden

Neither artist gave the audience what it wanted. The filled Garden adored Mark Knopfler, former Dire Straits founder who after every song the crowd seemed to over applaud in what I believe was attempts by the collective audience to politely imply: You have our attention; now play some fucking Skate Away. I was tipped off by one of my pals who had been following the set lists on line for the past month that there would be but one Dire Straits song in the set. So when the only words he uttered directly to us in response to the many requests being hurled at him between first and second song was, “I Aint Playin’ any of em.” The crowd erupted in laughter. I knew he wasn’t kidding. So not having my hopes up, I was able to accept that I’m going to be hearing all new stuff (to me) and was able to sit back and listen. He brought  an arsenal of guitars that he switched out for every song. There was the Strat, the Les Paul, the Danelectro, the Dobro and I think I recall him ripping on a PRS too!  While I said he didn’t give the audience what we wanted, what Mark Knopfler gave was great and at the very last song when he finally played the one and only DS song, So Far Away From Me, the entire Garden erupted with joy. He dragged the three chords and chorus out for what seemed like fifteen minutes and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Like so many, I love Bob Dylan. I’ve seen him a handful of times over the last twenty years. Each time I see Bob Dylan, I can’t help but remember the first time seeing him perform and noticing the stark contrast between what I was expecting and what I saw. Back then, I wanted him to give faithful renditions of his songs as I and maybe other first timers knew them. I soon realized those days were long gone. The songs were hardly recognizable and that was twenty years ago! As a teen ager I was pretty bummed out, but went on to enjoy many Bob Dylan shows with a more realistic sense of how he has adapted songs that he wrote half a century ago to fit his modern day mood. He has boiled his songs down to the basics with just the chord progression of the popularly known version. Or using the I-IV-V Blues form many times forgoing all melody to make lengthy verses now fit into 16 bars. It’s a very interesting style unique to Dylan himself. I liked how Knopfler sat in with Dylan’s band for a couple songs. During Things Have Changed Dylan did what seemed like interpretive dance, or the dance you might witness in vaudeville times. Whatever it was,  the crowd was definitely into it. I got exactly what I expected but I still couldn’t help but long for the sound and style that he once favored. The closest we got was Visions of Johanna.

When I think about it, A way to make everyone involved (including the audience) happy would be if Mark Knopfler was to perform the songs of Bob Dylan. This way Knopfler doesn’t have to play Dire Straits songs, which im still unclear as to why he all but ignored his catalogue, The audience gets legible versions of songs sung pretty close to how Dylan once sang them and Bob Dylan can take a long overdue night off…he is 73 years old after all.

-Tim Raptke